Valtozash

Valtozash jazz-metal big band Australia's only 14 piece jazz-metal band.

 -- Get to know our sub musos --

 

First time you were ever played on 4ZZZ?

Far out, I'd have been about 6; I can't remember what I did yesterday.

First gig you ever played?

Globe Theatre, sometime in 2014. It was pretty shabby.

Funniest on-stage f##k up?

None of them are funny. When a member of my band fucks up I cut their shins. That's not funny.

If you could play with one band/muso (dead or alive) in the 4ZZZ carpark who +why?

The Glen Miller Big Band. That would be hilarious. 45 musicians wouldn't fit in the carpark, and Glen Miller would have no idea what the hell is going on.

What is the kewlest/ most definitive feature of  your group/ musical project?

Four baritone saxophones playing in powerchords is pretty kewl. I don't give a shit how many watts your cab has, they will destroy you.

If you were to turn out your pockets at the end of a tour, what is the most common thing you would find?

We've never been on tour. I tried getting government funding to take the band on the road, but Arts Queensland doesn't believe a 14-piece jazz-metal band is artistic enough. Therefore, if I turn out my pocket at the end of a tour which never happened you'd find a scrap of contempt, few pieces of chewed bitterness, and a key to the door of happiness which hasn't opened in so long that the hinges have rusted.

If you/your band/your music took the form of an emoji, which one would it be?

A black spot with a red semi-quaver in the middle.

Is it difficult organising so many players?

Yes.